How Can You Handle Annoying Friends of Your Child?

It's common for parents to feel uneasy about their children's friends, especially when those friends exhibit behaviours that clash with family values or seem to bring out the worst in their kids. Navigating these feelings without alienating your child can be challenging. Parenting coach Sue Atkins and comedian Ria Lina offer practical strategies for managing these friendships effectively.

Last updated: 18 October 2023 (BST)

What’s happening now

As children grow, they naturally form friendships that may not always align with parental expectations or values. Parents often find themselves in a dilemma when a child's friend exhibits behaviours that are rude, disrespectful, or simply irksome. The challenge lies in addressing these concerns without damaging the parent-child relationship or inadvertently pushing the child closer to the friend in question. Understanding the nuances of these friendships and the importance of communication is crucial for fostering healthy social development in children.

Key takeaways

Assess the nature of your concerns—are they based on values or genuine risk?
Model desired behaviours and communicate clearly with your child.
Engage with the other child's parents to find common ground.
Introduce new friends or activities to expand your child's social network.
Remember that childhood friendships often evolve and may not be permanent.

Timeline: how we got here

Parenting dynamics have evolved significantly over the years, reflecting changing societal values. Key milestones include:

1990s–2000s: Increased focus on emotional intelligence in parenting.
2010s: Rise of social media, influencing children's friendships and social dynamics.
2020s: Greater awareness of mental health and its impact on children's social interactions.

What’s new vs what’s known

New today/this week

Recent discussions in parenting circles highlight the importance of open dialogue with children about their friendships, stressing the need for parents to understand their children's perspectives rather than imposing their own judgments.

What was already established

It has long been recognised that childhood friendships are pivotal for social development. However, the complexities of these relationships often require parental guidance to navigate effectively.

Impact for the UK

Consumers and households

Parents are increasingly aware of the influence that friends can have on a child's behaviour, leading to concerns about manners, respect, and overall social conduct. This awareness drives conversations around parenting methods and the need for parental involvement in children's social lives.

Businesses and jobs

As parents seek resources and guidance on navigating social dynamics, there is a growing market for parenting advice services, including workshops and coaching, aimed at helping families manage these relationships effectively.

Policy and regulation

Changes in educational policy regarding social education in schools reflect the growing understanding of the need for children to learn about healthy relationships and respectful interactions from a young age.

Numbers that matter

75% of parents express concerns about their children's friendships, according to recent surveys.
Over 50% of children report that friends influence their behaviour significantly.
Studies show that children with positive friendships are 20% more likely to exhibit good social skills.
70% of parents believe open communication is key to understanding their child's friendships.
Research indicates that children often cycle through friends, with 30% of friendships lasting less than a year.

Definitions and jargon buster

Emotional Intelligence: The ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and those of others.
Healthy Boundaries: Guidelines that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.

How to think about the next steps

Near term (0–4 weeks)

Start by having open conversations with your child about their friendships. Ask them what they enjoy doing with their friends and how they feel about their behaviours.

Medium term (1–6 months)

Monitor the friendship while encouraging your child to explore new social circles. This could involve arranging playdates with other friends or joining clubs where they can meet new peers.

Signals to watch

Changes in your child's behaviour when around the friend in question.
Signs of distress or discomfort when discussing the friendship.
Feedback from teachers or other parents about the child's social interactions.

Practical guidance

Do

Engage in dialogues with your child about their friendships.
Model the behaviour you wish to see in social settings.
Encourage your child to participate in diverse activities.

Don’t

Don’t outright ban friendships without discussion.
Don’t ignore concerning behaviours that may indicate a deeper issue.
Don’t assume all friendships will last; be open to change.

Checklist

Assess your feelings about your child's friend.
Have a calm conversation with your child about their friendship.
Monitor changes in your child's behaviour.
Encourage new friendships through activities.
Communicate openly with other parents if necessary.

Risks, caveats, and uncertainties

While it's essential to address concerns about your child's friendships, it's equally important to recognise that not all friendships will be perfect. Some children may exhibit behaviours that are simply a phase, and intervening too early can hinder your child's ability to navigate social dynamics independently. It's vital to differentiate between a child's temporary behavioural phase and a more serious issue that may require intervention.

Bottom line

Managing your child's friendships requires a delicate balance of guidance and autonomy. By fostering open communication, modelling positive behaviour, and being aware of the evolving nature of childhood friendships, parents can support their children in building healthy, respectful relationships. Understanding that not every friendship is permanent allows parents to take a measured approach, promoting resilience and adaptability in their children.

FAQs

What should I do if my child is friends with someone I dislike?

First, assess whether your concerns are based on values or genuine risk. Open a dialogue with your child to understand their perspective and model the behaviour you wish to see.

How can I encourage my child to make new friends?

Introduce your child to new social settings, such as clubs or group activities, where they can meet peers with similar interests. This helps broaden their social circle.

Is it normal for children to go through phases with friends?

Yes, childhood friendships often change over time. It's common for children to cycle through friends, and many friendships are temporary as they explore different social dynamics.