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Ambrosine Davies: From Dreaming in LA to Finding Her Way Back Home

Standing at the shop counter, Ambrosine Davies’ mind whirred incessantly. She’d grown up in an idyllic village in the Essex countryside – so how had she ended up on the verge of buying a handgun in Los Angeles? This gripping narrative explores her journey from the vibrant streets of LA to the comfort of her family home in the UK, revealing the complex interplay of dreams, love, and self-preservation.

Early Life and the Allure of Los Angeles

Ambrosine’s story begins in the picturesque surroundings of Essex, where her childhood was filled with the simple joys of village life. However, her adventurous spirit led her to swap the UK for the US, initially experiencing the bustling life of New York City in her twenties. The vibrant cultural scene and the promise of new opportunities captivated her, but it was Los Angeles that truly stole her heart upon her return in 2016.

In LA, Ambrosine pursued her passion for improvisation and sketch comedy at The Groundlings Theatre and School, a prestigious institution known for launching the careers of comedy legends like Will Ferrell and Maya Rudolph. “When people arrive in LA for the first time, they tend not to like it. It seems superficial,” she reflects. Yet, she found beauty in the natural landscapes and a sense of possibility that was intoxicating. Encounters with celebrities only added to the charm, making her feel as though she had stepped into a world of dreams.

The Dark Side of Fame

However, beneath the glitz and glamour, Ambrosine quickly learned about the shadows that lurked in the city. “There are neighbourhoods where you find your people and the nature is amazing,” she shares, but she also recognized the darker aspects of LA life, including addiction and the fleeting nature of relationships. As she navigated the social scene, she encountered the harsh reality that many people were more interested in using her for their gain than forming genuine connections.

Her relationships, both personal and professional, became complicated. Ambrosine recalls a day spent with an actor who quickly discarded her once he achieved his goal. Another encounter with a seemingly friendly neighbor turned into a nightmare, revealing a stalker who had hired a private detective. “It was never dull,” she says with a hint of irony, capturing the chaotic essence of her life in Los Angeles.

The Rise and Fall of a Toxic Relationship

In the midst of her acting career, Ambrosine met Fernando, a confident, tattooed man who initially seemed to understand her like no one else. Their chemistry was undeniable, but it soon became clear that their relationship harbored a darker side. The early days of romance quickly devolved into a cycle of emotional and verbal abuse, leaving Ambrosine feeling trapped and confused.

“He suddenly turned and I saw a different person; he looked different,” she recalls, describing the moment Fernando's kindness turned into explosive anger. Small disagreements escalated into intense arguments filled with insults and accusations. Ambrosine found herself walking on eggshells, constantly fearing his unpredictable outbursts. “It was exhausting. The arguments just increased and you could never win,” she reflects, revealing the toll the relationship took on her mental health.

Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Abuse

What Ambrosine experienced was the harrowing reality of domestic abuse, a reality that many individuals find hard to identify. “If someone throws their dinner at the wall, it is shocking and aggressive,” she explains, recognizing that emotional manipulation can be just as damaging. Fernando's erratic behavior left her feeling intimidated, often physically blocking her path and isolating her from friends and family.

For two long years, Ambrosine grappled with the internal conflict of love and fear. She felt ashamed to share her struggles with others, trapped in a cycle of blame and guilt. “His behaviour is categorised as domestic abuse,” she states, reflecting on the complexities of her situation. The turning point came when she made the courageous decision to leave, packing her belongings while Fernando was away, desperate for freedom.

A Chaotic Escape and New Challenges

After leaving Fernando, Ambrosine thought she had escaped the worst of her troubles. However, her new living situation in Pasadena soon proved to be fraught with danger. “There were three drive-by shootings within my first few weeks,” she recalls, highlighting the precariousness of her situation. Just when she thought she could breathe again, Fernando found her and began a relentless campaign to win her back.

Despite the warnings from friends and family, Ambrosine relented, hoping that Fernando had truly changed. He assured her that he was attending Alcoholics Anonymous and wanted to turn his life around. “I believed him,” she admits, showcasing the vulnerability that often accompanies abusive relationships. Yet, the cycle of control resumed, culminating in another explosive confrontation that forced her to finally sever ties for good.

Confrontation and the Threat of Violence

Ambrosine’s decision to end the relationship should have provided relief, but it instead led to a terrifying confrontation. One evening, while chatting with family on a Zoom call, Fernando burst into her apartment, filled with rage. “He pulled my studio apart and chased me,” she recalls, the fear palpable in her voice. It was then that she knew she needed to take drastic measures to protect herself.

After filing a restraining order, Ambrosine faced a new wave of harassment, receiving countless messages and threats from Fernando. “He was telling me he was going to get a gun,” she remembers, a chilling reminder of the potential violence that loomed over her. In a conversation with a police officer, Ambrosine was urged to consider her safety seriously, leading her to contemplate purchasing a firearm for protection.

The Dilemma of Self-Defense

The thought of buying a gun was foreign to Ambrosine, who had always envisioned a life free from violence. “I couldn’t carry a gun; I didn’t want to live my life like that,” she expressed, yet the fear for her safety was overwhelming. During her visit to a local store, she encountered a sympathetic employee who understood the plight of women facing similar threats. The weighty Glock 17 was recommended for its ease of use, yet Ambrosine felt conflicted.

As she began firearms training, the severity of her situation settled in. She found herself torn between the need for self-defense and the moral implications of potentially taking a life. “This is so f***ed up. I can’t do this,” she thought, grappling with the reality of her circumstances. The emotional toll was exhausting, leading to sleepless nights and a constant state of hypervigilance.

A Return to Safety

Ultimately, Ambrosine made the difficult decision to leave Los Angeles behind. When her mother urged her to return to Essex, she recognized it as a chance for healing. “I could never have stayed in LA,” she reflects. “I didn’t want to be put in the position of having to actually kill somebody and have that on my conscience.” Although it meant she would not testify against Fernando, who faced charges of vandalism and domestic battery, she prioritized her well-being.

Healing and Resilience

Back in the UK, Ambrosine's journey toward recovery began. She faced the ramifications of her trauma, grappling with PTSD and the emotional scars left by her experiences. “I’m very lucky; I have my mum, my animals, and some very good friends,” she shares, emphasizing the importance of a support system. Through therapy and medication, she started to reclaim her life, channeling her raw emotions into writing.

Ambrosine's story is one of resilience, and she plans to share her experiences at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. “I carry a lot of hope,” she says, a testament to her strength. Despite the pain and chaos, she remains committed to her passion for performance and storytelling. “I’ve learned that I am very resilient,” she concludes, embodying the spirit of someone who has faced darkness and emerged stronger.

Final Reflections: A Journey Worth Sharing

Ambrosine Davies’ journey from LA to Essex captures the complexities of love, trauma, and the pursuit of safety. Her experiences remind us of the urgent need to recognize the signs of domestic abuse and the importance of seeking help. As she prepares to share her story with the world, Ambrosine embodies hope and resilience, proving that even in the darkest times, there is a path toward healing and self-discovery.

FAQs

What led Ambrosine Davies to consider purchasing a gun?

Ambrosine considered purchasing a gun after experiencing threats and harassment from her ex-partner, who had a history of violent behavior. The police advised her to take her safety seriously, prompting her to explore self-defense options.

How did Ambrosine cope with her PTSD after leaving Los Angeles?

After returning to the UK, Ambrosine sought therapy and used medication to help manage her PTSD symptoms. She also focused on her writing and connected with her support system, including family and friends.

What message does Ambrosine want to convey through her story?

Ambrosine aims to raise awareness about domestic abuse and the importance of recognizing the signs. She wants to inspire others to seek help and highlight the journey of healing and resilience after trauma.

As we reflect on Ambrosine's powerful story, we are reminded of the strength it takes to overcome adversity. From the glimmering streets of Los Angeles to the comforting embrace of home, her journey illustrates the importance of finding safety and reclaiming one’s life. What lessons can we take from Ambrosine's experiences about resilience and the power of sharing our stories?

#Resilience #DomesticAbuseAwareness #HealingJourney

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